Elaine Miller
Part One of Three in the series "BDSM and Background Checks" This article is meant as an informational and exploratory supplement to the next two articles in the series. Experienced players may skip this, or read on to see if I've slaughtered the language in my usual fashion.
A Short Explanation of BDSM, Outrageously Simplified and Scandalously Scant -- by Elaine Miller
The Acrobatic Acronym: BDSM
An unusually nifty acronym, BDSM translates to "Bondage Discipline / Domination Submission / Sadism Masochism"
In short, Bondage means tying, binding or restricting someone's movement. Discipline means corporal punishment, from spanking to paddling to caning. Domination is the act of looking like you're in control of the scene, of issuing the orders and "running the show". Submission is the act of lending your power of decision-making to another person for a pre-determined time, for spiritual, recreational, or sexual purposes. Sadism refers to enjoyment of inflicting pain, whether real or playful, and masochism refers to enjoyment of receiving pain, whether real or playful. The preceding brief definition is missing about 342,534 of the salient points, but will suffice to let readers know--in a vague manner--the terms I'm using.
The Acronyms Continue: SSC
Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC) is a much bandied-about term in the BDSM communities, with some deep roots in concern for ethics. That a scene is SSC means that whatever happens is agreed upon by all involved, that any participant can stop at any time *and* has a way of communicating that. It means that even when we are playing hard, we're avoiding causing *harm*.
We spank, but avoid hitting her kidneys. We bind him tightly, and constantly check his hands for proper circulation. We practice with a riding crop or whip on pillows until we can give our partners the sensation they crave without whacking off their ear in the process. Sometimes we pretend mightily that we are kidnappers, pirates, evil warlords or hunky rogue cops, hold our pleased lovers "captive" and strut about in role - while we surreptitiously monitor all levels of the scene for safety.
Yes, we're much safer than playing rugby, and... yes, there can be some risk in what we do. Just like playing rugby, expertise and good equipment make a real difference. And just like playing rugby we do the best we can to stay informed, we make it as safe as we can, then we grab our fellow player by the hand and get out on that field to have fun!
Making it as Safe as We Can...
Any group of people (engineers, catholics, kink groups, children's book writers, plumbers, masons, dykes, urban dwellers, country folk... etc.) may contain its quota of dangerous people or sociopaths. That said, I have found that the kink community leans to an excess of careful, ethical people who work to educate the newcomers to the scene in safety, technique, safety, communication, safety, negotiation, safety, and playfulness. The "jerk" percentage, while there, is smaller than I've found at the local grocery store.
But the very nature of our play makes it important to go the extra step. Not only must we be mindful of the situation, setting, toys and equipment, possible circulation and muscle-cramp troubles; not only do we have to negotiate our play, assign safewords (the signal to stop), arrange check-ins, and learn to crank our empathy up to the highest levels; but we also have to cast a discerning eye upon our potential partners.
Continued in Part Two of Three in the series "BDSM and Background Checks" Should New Lovers Come With Written Credentials? A Why-for on Background Checks in the Kinky Lifestyle.
And Part Three of Three; "A Kinky Report Card? Well, he failed his Orals!" When you're asked to spill the beans on a old lover - A How-to on Background Checks in the Kinky Lifestyle.
