Elaine Miller
Written (circa 1990) in response to a friend's plaintive wail "But what is there to live for?", this is a rather silly list of the top 150 or so.
Things That Make The Whole Damn Thing Worthwhile another horrifying scribble from Mad Elaine (circa 1990)
Sleeping cats' smiles
Tea with a warm friend
Bed after a hard day's work (sigh)
Wind in your hair on a sunny day
Cat whiskers up your nose at midnight - likewise, cat purrs
Honest proposals from amorous strangers
Curly-haired men with the devil's eyes
Belly buttons; all types.
Summer evenings and warm sidewalks
Grass between your toes
Shoveling your driveway free of snow - wearing boot, gloves, earmuffs, and a bikini
Making Mrs. Grundy gasp in horror*
(*generic name given to self-appointed guardians of the public morals)
Spontaneous nipple erections
The way a puppy grunts when you pick it up to hug it
Any and all ridiculous weather - extremes of wind, snow, rain - storms! Definitely storms!
Music that you can feel - in that spot! Music that makes you twitch in time and smile.
Those Little Donuts at the Pacific National Exhibition
Bartles and Jaymes Premium Berry Wine Cooler - drink as follows:
Camp in November in a sparsely-populated area in the mountains. When you go out to chop firewood, take a full, unopened bottle with you. Place it (out of harm's way) in the snow. Chop a dead tree into convenient lengths. Carry those pieces back to camp. When you have completed the whole task, open bottle and drink. Ah . . . ambrosia
Do a favor for a friend - surprise them
Experience warm burst of happiness at instantaneous support and helpfulness from friends in time of need.
Womens' bums. The rounded, firm type. Yum.
Afterglow. Yours, mine, hers, his, theirs.
End-of-a-day-outdoors people smell. That basted-in-fresh-sweat-and-sunshine smell. The perfume manufacturer who can capture that will be a millionaire. Bar-B-Que smell also improves the mix.
Bob's sea-monster impression. Gotta be seen to be believed.
Snowball fights; sprinkler fights; dead-leaf throwing; mud-wrestling
Cornstarch snow
A congenial tea-house, good conversation, good company
Finding that goat's cheese can equal orgasm
Oh yeah! Food! Mushrooms Neptune, tzatziki dip, spaghetti, chili, those potatoes Dave'n'I make, camping food, breakfast (all types), mashed potatoes with gravy, french onion soup, Spanish rice, chicken casserole, Mom's rice pudding, rare steak - no fat, mushrooms, stewed tomatoes, veggies steamed with butter... buttered toast!.. with honey! fudgicles on a hot day, cold apple juice, morning orange juice, rootbeer float, grilled cheese sandwich, cheese!.. Meunster, Mozza, cheddar(sharp),butter, farmer's, marble, brie, Camembert,... melons! Chocolate! Chocolate fondue, sourdough bread, beef dip . . . gourmet chocolate chip cookie batter . . . and people . . . Yum.
Tacky earrings
Black leather . . . the smell . . . the feel . . . the look
Dave in shredded old jeans, boots, belt and denim shirt . . . yum
Armpit hair . . . it's friendly!
Hugs . . . hugs . . . hugs
The Chase, the Capture, the Consummation - of a job, a friend, a flirtation . . .
A well-turned phrase, a well-timed joke, a perfectly timed pun ( uh-oh! Too well-timed . . .Run!)
Friends introducing you as The Punsmeister. (what a nice feeling)
Have you tickled a friend today?
A conversation that need have no meaning, but rather is full of erudite nonsense and wit - roaring with laughter, pounding on tables, impromptu impressions, juicy gossip and enormous congeniality.
Any word I don't know. (What's that?....Spelled?....Cool!)
A book, well-crafted, well thought out, startlingly new, with all the qualities of the above conversation.
A book, eleven times read, never stale. Characters as three-dimensional as the people you meet every day (or more so), as familiar as old friends.
Pat her ass and watch her smile!
Watch skin flicks with Dave - and scramble to cover his eyes when she drops her dress.
Dancing. All types.
Singing loudly and lustily along with the stereo ( my favorite band on CD ) - with the windows closed, the house empty, and the doors locked!
Wreck Beach. Its qualities could safely be adopted by the rest of the world. What a nice idea.
The human form divine. Or not divine.
Erect nipples - his. Cute little things, ain't they?
A cool new outfit. (Jes' cain't help myself.)
A Scots accent - or a brawny dude in a kilt.
Slurpee. Shaken, not stirred.
Warm tongues.
Muffled cries of happiness. Yours or a loved one's.
Nude swimming . . . Sybaritic!
Shaving my legs . . . no, really, I like the feeling.
Not shaving my armpits....heh heh heh
Prolonged snuggling
Greeting unfamiliar cats on sidewalks
Cat companionship. They do listen, you know.
Cat antics. Get that dust bunny!
Pride in yourself, or in your friends . . . heck, in your choice of friends!
Anyone who can out stubborn me when it counts. Amazing!
Wrestling.
A hot bath, popcorn and a good book - at the same time.
Memories - they only get better
Petting the book collection.
A good backscratch. See Dave for the best.
Play with my hair - I'm a primate thru 'n thru
New Ideas! No shit? Really? Explain!
Knives. Sweet curves, some bright, some black - the blade has an irresistible texture - sharp!
Good quality tools - they're simple, beautiful, and do what they were made to do
Small machinery - take it apart to see what it does . . .
Gaudy stuff - " I can't believe you'd wear that in public!"
Tea - made perfectly. The first sip is "exta-Tea" Get it?
Good deals at book sales . . . heh heh heh
Bunnies' ears. Go feel one today.
Trees. Lie on the ground at their bases and look up. Ever so much taller that way.
Is the sky really that blue?
Sunsets - sunrises - rainbows. The atheist's miracles.
Clouds that intimately resemble dragons
Dragons!
Toes. Ever look at them closely?
Toads' eyes. The most stunning jewels in the plainest of forms
Swim in warm salt water. So easy!
The small of talcum powder after a bath. Fuzzy bathrobes.
The inside of her thighs. Nothing softer exists.
His forearms. Tanned, hairy, corded, strong, loving, warm. Sexy.
All men have knobby knees. Appreciate it.
Take a dog to the lake and play fetch. Better yet, take two dogs.
A conversation where you don't have to finish your sentences because your friend knows exactly that you are trying to say. And vice versa.
Picnics! Don't starve the ants! And don't forget the ducks!
A letter from your favorite author that does not start with "To Whom It May Concern"
Stuffed toys - but not pink ones.
Bean bag chairs and hammocks. Oh, and remember that trying to fit two people into a one person hammock may be detrimental to the health of the person who lands on the bottom. No. really!
Tobogganing with your best friend sitting on your head. Mildly painful, but a ride to remember.
Play CD through headphones ( good ones ). You can hear crickets outside the studio the band recorded in. Follow each track individually - it's the beginning of meditation.
Foot rubs. Ohh! Right there! Mmm
Efficiency. That feeling that comes when you've been rushed to the point where you click over into "efficiency mode" and you can feel things in a gestalt rather than individually. Time slows for you and you can operate like a smoothly functioning machine. Wild feeling . . .
Motorcycles and convertibles, with tunes. Who cares about bugs on teeth?
Boots. Love the clump, clump, clump sounds
Old National Lampoons. Say, before 1988 or so.
Cartoons that say it all - the ones that you feel you must show to someone else.
A well-painted picture that makes you stop and say "Gaahh."
Damn near anything that makes you stop and say "Gaahh."
Sleeping with your loved one - back to back and touching bums.
Kiss his neck and watch him shiver . . . Hmm
Moving into your new place and decorating . . . This goes here and that goes there and this goes....
Practical jokes - they're as funny as hell ONLY if the subject laughs harder and tells more people than the joker. If you can't think of this kind of joke, you should not play them. Really.
Candlelight - for baths, dinners, lovemaking, thinking.
Stars when camping. There's no end to the damn things!
The shk shk noise of chopping carrots.
The bass beat that drives the blood through your veins while the guitar runs electric shivers up and down your spine
The oddly satisfying feeling that comes from achieving something with other people. We must be group animals or something. Or something...
The knowledge that you are extreme (insert positive superlative here) in the (pick one) room, house, city, whatever...
Dog noses - black, wet, whiffling.
Full piggy banks
Getting your photos back from the developer. Just like Christmas.
The scratch of your lover's nails down your back. The best applause.
Fuzzy, funny colored socks. Or toe socks!
The trusting touch of a wild animal.
That pocket/hole thing in the front of mens' briefs. No-one will admit to using it... What is it for?
Laundry, sweet-smelling, fresh from the dryer.
